This got me laid last year (deny all you want miss foxy moxy you know it's the truth)

WHY I HATE HALO (Taken from he archives of the KCC bruin October 07 issue)

For a single male I think I'm breaking some sort of Man-Code. That statement seems to cement a permanent position in the kingdom of wussdom. My complaint with the game could go into a plethora of directions ranging from attacking its producers and platform as a soulless entity embodying everything wrong with capitalism to simply mocking the complications of the mechanics of the game. Truth be told, I have no intent to dive into any of the aforementioned reasons. As for the game mechanics, I actually think the idea of being able to tweak the sensitivity of the analog controlls is ingenuous. However, my reason for downright loathing of this game has to do with the dichotomy it represents to me economic situation.

First of all let me state I absolutely have no gaming prowess in the world of Halo. Every time I engage in the act of playing the game it feels like I'm watching a snuff film. First my little digital incantation is murdered; than subsequently raped by the way of "crouch-humping." The only way I can combat these tragic results is to adhere to the old adage practice makes perfect. But aside from the elusive mystery of time management that seems to befuddle every college student I have several other objections to the process of honing in my Halo skills.

In order to practice, I'd have to buy an XBOX 360. Then, I'd have to buy the game which is an additional 60$. So already I'm in significant debt. From here the strain on my finances continues. Before I can jump on to XBOX-LIVe and pay the subscription fees- I need high speed Internet and a wireless router. In order to get used to the feeling of co-operative group play feature that makes the game so popular, I'd have to buy a headset (also, gay). Once I buy all of that I now suffer the slings and stings from anonymous name calling from the Internet. Now because I'm fragile, the constant barrage of "hahaha total pwonge noob" would literally break my spirit. So before I can even get into XBOX live, I need to practice with actual human counterparts.

The problem here is is, I don't have any friends. So now I'm left with the dubious task of having to buy 3 hookers to play XBOX with me. But they're going to need controllers, so now i have to buy 3 more controllers. So the fine people at Microsoft and Bungie software development expect me to brake the law? Between school expenses and the gas to get to and from said institution- I'm barley able to eat. So my choices are to give up eating entirely, or turn to a life of crime. Since I'm already braking the law by hiring escorts to play video games with me I might as well go the full nine yards and knock over a few banks and liquor stores. Right?

No thanks. I think I'll stick to RPG's and games with zombies, or maybe I'll just say fuck it and go outside and take a walk.