Penis Joke

Dear Penis,

I love you, but you know that already don't you. Every morning I wake up to find you've been awake hours before me... and sometimes you even have coffee ready, and I used to reward you, but now- now we have a roommate. Now I have to write to you from inside this tiny locked bathroom (Ye' gods save me even the bathroom floor comes alive with some semblance too Columbia colors), and hope one day you will awake to find this.

I know we've had our differences, you're always leading me into one disastrous situation or another, and I'm fairly certain you feel the same way about me. Frankly speaking I don't take very good care of you. I don't eat right, I smoke, I play with you far too much, I talk about you at the worst and most inappropriate of times, I sit with my laptop resting firmly above you administering low doses of radiation, and sometimes, sometimes dick, I rely on you far too much to get me out of a jam.

But, my friend I implore you do hear me out. You have most curious of methods of which I've yet to explain. now to be blunt, from an aesthetics standpoint you're a marvelous appendage, adequately (if not somewhat gratuitously) proportioned, but it's your timing that kills me. Now i know there are those times when you and I haven't had some quality, hmmm how can we put it- 'You and me time,' and that's more circumstance than anyones fault really; but you... you've let me down on a number of occasions sir. Now i know it changes girl to girl, but my friend I beseech you do listen to me. WHY, in the name of all things good and right in the world, WHY, do you seemingly take forever with the ones i can't stand; and yet, consequently, are all done far too soon to be taken seriously with the ones I like? WHY?

Perhaps you don't do this out of malice; perhaps you do this in the guise of my best interests. Perhaps you think if the girl is really into us how you look and preform shouldn't matter until later. Which is really of the most genuine and pure intentions- however I assure this is a very misguided display of affection towards me.

Your efforts are best left for me to decide, you're job in our working/ casual relationship should be to perform at your absolute peek no matter who we're with. If you were to do this the next time I manage to snag a girl home we could see some favorable results towards our mutual goals. I will have the satisfaction i seek, and you, you my friend will be far too sleepy to complain.

Dick, it's been wonderful working with you. you're my oldest toy, my closest friend, and sometimes my only reason I get out of bed, and I love you for it- I do. But now I ramble. Once again you've managed to distract me from diligently doing my homework while I write you this brief love note.

Fare Thee Well Dick,

Eternally Yours

(You know who)

P.S. Dood you should've seen mike the other night he was WAY wrecked, it was awesome!